Speaking Terrorist

A friend who works in the anti-war arena recently passed along a comment received from a member of the public about why we need to keep on fighting the war in Iraq:

"I DON'T WANT TO LEARN TO SPEAK FRENCH OR GERMAN OR TERRORIST..."

Leaving aside for a moment the military threat posed by the new French-German Alliance (is it based around smelly cheeses?), here is a short phrase guide for the tourist traveling in Terrorist-speaking areas:

ENGLISH: Can you direct me to the restroom?
TERRORIST: Can you direct me to th- (Explode self.)

ENGLISH: Do you have a cigarette?
TERRORIST: Do you hav- (Explode self.)

ENGLISH: Where can I purchase a newspaper?
TERRORIST: Where can I purch- (Explode self.)